


You And Me And The Devil Makes 3

by godeatgod



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Gay Panic, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Post-Bathroom Trap (Saw), divorce discussions, i know im not original i just love these assholes, idk its saw dude, implied traumatic experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23116027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godeatgod/pseuds/godeatgod
Summary: The two men trapped in one of the Jigsaw killers infamous lesson filled games now face each other on different terms, and learn more about each other and themselves.
Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	You And Me And The Devil Makes 3

**Author's Note:**

> its almost 5 am man and im thinking about saw again so here,  
>  leave comments ect if you like it <3

If Adam had any premonition his month was going to go as terribly as it had, he might not have bothered to pay rent for his shithole of an apartment. As it stood he was practically homeless now still taking up residence in the hospital but knowing he was going to have to leave soon. He had no fucking idea what he was going to do now and he was still so bitter and numb from his experience and he couldn't help but despise the way everything worked. You survived a horrible near death experience at the hands of a maniac and not only has he not been caught, no ones going to bother to help you out! Get fucked asshole!

He scowled and lit a second cigarette. He reeked of nicotine and knew it well enough but besides the three showers he'd had in the hospital that he had to be helped with he couldn't bare to get in a tub, and was avoiding the bathrooms for any extended period of time. He kept having strange nightmares regarding bathrooms and guns and poison and cameras and it was making him weary of all sorts of things. 

“Are you grateful to be alive?” he remembered the question, asked by the cops while he was sitting in a hospital bed, IV in his arm, having woken up from surgery hours earlier. His paranoid smart ass self certain they were mocking him. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he recalled snapping at them, though that wasn't necessarily a good idea. “Do you know how much bullshit he put me through? And for what? I didn't 'learn' anything or whatever the fuck, i'm worse off now than before, I'm not a kicked puppy or sick kid with cancer. I don't get sympathy and I don't get help. I'm gonna go back home to my shitty fucking appartment and live with all this shit til i can't fucking take it and one of these days ill probably blow my fucking head off. So no i'm not grateful to be fucking alive.”

He flicked ashes off his cigarette thinking about that answer. It had been a couple weeks ago and after having time to mull it over he realized he stood by it all things considered. That wasn't exactly a comforting thought but honestly it wasn't an unusual one. He'd figured for a long while that eventually he'd hang himself or something similar in that fucking nasty slum house, eventually he'd get sick of his miserable existance and he'd end it. It's not like he had anyone that cared about him. 

He used to, he thought, he used to have people that cared, but through circumstances that both were and weren't his own fault everyone in his life had either left, disowned, or began hating him. Some of these things were unjustified, some of these were his own unpalatable personality or shitty actions, and some he assumed or maybe hoped were nobody's fault. He was starting to run out of hope at this point. Maybe he did deserve what happened to him in that bathroom. He tossed his cigarette onto the ground, and stepped on it. He guessed it didn't matter now, even if it was his fault he only answered to himself anyways, for better or for worse.

He went back inside and began his routine of pacing around the hospital room, restless and worried and full of an inexplicable bitterness that he sort of always had. Never making eye contact with other patients, nurses or their families and never trying to strike up a conversation. His ordeal hadn’t given him a chip on his shoulder, it had only sharpened it. 

He wandered over to a vending machine, he hadn't eaten in a little while and guessed he should have something despite not being hungry, and dug into his pockets for any spare change he’d scavenged from the parking lot. As he was counting it out he sighed and almost gave up on it immediately. Why should he bother? Still he continued like a machine unable to stop once it had started. 

“Excuse me.” he heard a voice behind him and he instinctively went to move out of the way with a mumbled ‘sorry’ but froze once his brain processed the sound fully and he thought he recognized the voice. He whipped around to find a man he thought he'd never see again. 

“Adam, it's been awhile.” Lawrence smiled weakly. 

“No shit.” Adam replied, “you're looking less...dead.” he gestured to the other man but realized that came off more sarcastic than even he intended. Lawrence was alive certainly, but was, of course, missing his foot and was on crutches looking kind of tired and sweaty.

"Barely." He smiled back, "I thought you were long gone. It's good to see you." 

"Same here. You uh? Wanna sit down?"

"I'd like that. my rooms just down the hall here if you'd want to come with." Lawrence offered and Adam for once didn't even consider doing anything else. 

His room really wasn't that far down the hall, Adam guessed he was just tired from all his injuries and a little out of shape to begin with. They got there and Adam awkwardly watched Lawrence maneuver himself onto the bed while he glanced around the room. Practically the same as his own of course, a main difference being a collection of flowers and functionally useless and slightly ironic 'get well soon' type cards. These items were stupid of course but they inspired a sort of pang of loneliness, expressing once more to Adam that he was nobody. He decided to ignore this, dismissing it as melodramatic at best. 

"Oh God," Lawrence groaned softly, looking exhausted, "You know I wasn't thinking very clearly but I probably could have just broken my goddam foot to get out of that chain...hindsight's twenty-twenty as always."

"Yeah? Well...we all do dumb shit i guess. I mean that was really fucking dumb but oh well." Adam shook his head taking a seat on one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. 

"In my defense I was...hysterical and very dehydrated." 

"Aren't you a doctor?"

"I'm a brain surgeon Adam and frankly most things aren't brain surgery so i can't say i'm an expert on anything but that." 

"Fair enough. I'm just some jackass so what do I know." Adam shrugged.

"How are you doing?"

"Well I've been better but my shoulder’s doing fine I guess. Mild infection from that fucking bathroom but ill live." 

"Good, good." Lawrence nodded and Adam tried to think of something to say back.

"So uh...how's the wife? The uh... kid?" Adam asked suddenly hoping they were both alive. 

"I assume alright. They're both going to therapy, they moved over to where her parents are living for the time being but…" Lawrence paused but shrugged a little,"well with everything me and my wife,...we are getting a divorce eventually."

"Oh...Jesus, I'm sorry." Adam muttered awkwardly again. 

"It's fine, I just...I told her, Alison, everything and...I understand why. I expected it." Lawrence sighed, resigned. 

"I mean...you still got your daughter right?"

"Perhaps. I don't know honestly, I would hope I could at least have partial custody but her mother if very angry at me. We haven't discussed it really just enough that I know it's over."

"Well..shit that fucking sucks.."

"Oh it's alright. I don't think we were working out any longer, this all just broke the camel's back you know. We were mostly together for our daughter, My job was too demanding and after so many years of marriage i guess there wasn't any passion anymore. Though frankly as far as i was concerned there never really was all that much. Besides, even though i was going to...sleep with someone else and didn't...evidently She's been seeing someone else since i've been in here. It evens out I suppose, I guess as long as she's happier now." 

"Still...there couldn't be a better time to break it off?"

"Well...if i tried anything i'm already in the hospital so..." Lawrence was grimacing. "Pretty safe bet for her." 

"Jesus fuck…" Adam muttered glancing over at the flowers again, he realized some of them were wilted and dying and all the vibrant ones were fake. He didn't envy Lawrence.

"All that said, I have seen my daughter, and my mother and they're happy i'm ok. I guess that's all I can ask for." Lawrence smiled politely again, "Sorry if i'm here burdening you with my marital issues, you're surprisingly easy to talk to." 

"Yeah that's good." Adam shrugged at the last part, "can't imagine why, but i don't mind, i've got nothin else going on." He honestly didn't mind, he'd always been pretty nosey for no particular reason. A voyeur, Jigsaw had called him, and much as it made him shudder to think about he knew the man was right in a sense, that was his job. He pushed it from his mind. 

"Not much to do here is there." Lawrence commented after a moment.

"No, at least you got a couple visitors to make it interesting." 

"Surely you have some visitors as well?" Lawrence asked furrowing his brow. 

"No?" Adam scoffed, "who the hell would visit me?" 

"Friends..family...a girlfriend?" Lawrence listed suggestions each more inplausible than the last. 

"Lawrence, I'm an asshole, i don't have any friends." Adam replied only half joking. 

"You can't seriously be saying you have no friends or family members whatsoever?"

"Well I don't have any friends left and sure i'm pretty confident my parents are alive but, lets just say i'm an asshole, not to mention i told them all a little something about myself and nobody's wanted to talk since. Funny thing is they were fine with me being such a dick for some reason." Adam shrugged and Lawrence frowned more as if confused by his statement. Adam just watched the gears turn in his head, wondering if he'd get it on his own or not. He didn't really care if he knew, what would he do that everybody else already hadnt. 

"Adam are you…" 

"What? A fag? Yeah. " Adam had gotten a little impatient, or perhaps anxious he wasn't sure, "i am. Surpsised thats not the reason i was in that fucking trap. Would’ve made just as much sense." 

"No need to get defensive. I don't think...that's fine you know. There's nothing wrong with it, it's perfectly natural." Lawrence gestured at him to calm down though his voice wasn't even raised or anything, he was looking down at the floor. 

"Yeah well tell that to my old man, and my mom, and my friend Scott, and...well i was the asshole to Kurt and Mariah, but yknow..tell all my old girlfriends who took it as a personal attack that i'm don't wanna fuck them. It's caused alot more trouble than id fucking like it to." Adam sighed, “whatever though, fuck em. If they don't like me cus of that then they're missing all the other completely fine reasons to hate me.”

“Your family really just...won't talk to you because of that?”

“Yeah well, too bad i guess.” Adam shrugged a little put off by how sad Lawrence looked. “No reason to feel bad about it. I guess you don't get it really but it's pretty common for that to happen. I knew it would when I told everybody.” 

“Then...why did you?”

“I didn't wanna live a lie. Not like my parents were all that proud of their failure photographer son, I didn't want their respect anyways since it was for somebody they thought they knew. Not me.” 

Lawrence was quiet for a moment and Adam sort of shuffled his feet on the linoleum floor. It'd been years since he'd been so open with anyone, let alone someone who was practically a stranger to him. 

“I uh...guess that's not something you have a lot of experience in, so...sorry i guess for talking about my gay bullshit.” 

"Well..i mean i'm …im like that too" Lawrence said quietly and Adam thought he misheard him at first.

"You mean you're gay?"

"Yes...whatever you'd call it that's.."

"Gay."

"Right well i'm gay then. Thats...i need to come to terms with it so i might as well say it aloud hm?" There was an overflowing of shame in his downcast gaze that Adam knew at one point he'd mirrored and even through his own jaded outlook could empathize with. Lawrence had probably known somewhere deep down and hadn't wanted to face it.

"I gotta be real with you man it doesn't always make it easier to tell yourself. And it won't make people like you. And it's really fucking lonely." 

"Well you're selling me on it already." 

"Hey man i'm just being honest. There's nothing you can even do about it you can accept it with a fuck you to everybody else or you can wallow in misery til you blow your fucking brains out. But you can't change it and you can't ignore it forever. Believe me I tried." 

"I know I...I tried too." Lawrence sighed, "thirteen years of dating and ten years of marriage and a child and after all that I couldn't keep acting." He stared out the window thoughtfully. "When did you realize?" 

"The first time? I was probably i dunno...fourteen? I figured it out i think but then for a long time i just...pretended to forget about it. Out of college I sorta realized I couldn't keep up the facade and...told everyone close to me and moved away.” he shrugged as if running away from everyone he'd ever known was a casual enough thing to do. Lawrence just nodded still looking out the window sadly. 

“So...out of curiosity when did you figure it out? Was it before the marriage and kid or after or...somewhere in the middle?” Adam was not nearly as good with people. Lawrence had a way of gently asking him things that compelled him to answer instead of joking meanly or telling him to fuck off. Adam was much less gifted here, and sounded like a pick no matter what he said.

“Oh i don't know exactly. Maybe I always knew, maybe it was just in the last few months, I just...I thought maybe I had just fallen out of love with Alison. I knew it happened sometimes but...i guess i don't know if i ever loved her.” he seemed to be thinking out loud to a degree. “Well...maybe that's unfair, I do love her very much, but not in the same way. Not the way she needs, Not the way husbands love their wives. More like one would love a friend.” 

“So...did you tell her?”

“Yes. I told her everything and if I thought she was going to be mad about the nurse, rightfully so even, then I underestimated how mad she was going to be to learn I'm not straight and ...never was.” 

“Didn't take it well...they never do.” Adam sighed and then tried to think of something nicer to say. “ I'm sorry, I know it's not easy.”

“No but...I still have people. Perhaps after some time she’ll be kinder once it's set in, it wasn't the best news to hear after her and my daughter went through their own ordeal.” Lawrence nodded, but looked at him with a sad expression on his face. “You really don't have anyone do you?”

“No. but...whatever. It doesn't really bother me, i mean for the most part it's my fault anyways. I am an asshole it's not just the gay thing.”

“I don't really think you're an asshole.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it Adam, i know we had our arguments in that situation but all things considered, you did try and help me. And even after I caused the injury that put you in this hospital, you still saved me from Zepp.”

“A Lot of that was for my own sake Lawrence.”

“Trying to ease my mind off my wife and daughter wasn't for your own gain.” Lawrence pointed out, “I was hysterical Adam, I couldn't think and to your credit you tried to calm me down and help me think rationally.”

“It didn't work.”

“Irrelevant.” Lawrence stated and Adam had no idea how to rebut that. 

“Well...guess we're getting along. That's...kinda weird huh?” Adam tried to redirect the conversation, feeling strange and awkward about how kind Lawrence was acting.

“I mean, who would have thought we have so much in common.”

“I guess... but the things we have in common are that we’re both...gay and got stuck in that motherfuckers gas station bathroom. I mean that's quite the story but not one anyone wants to fuckin hear.” 

“Fair enough.” Lawrence laughed lightly, “ but i think things like this can... bring people together.” 

“On a more serious note, how are you...dealing with all of that.” Lawrence asked him gently and Adam tried to think. 

“I don't know. I've been kinda...on edge but..other than that i haven't...had fucking flashbacks or anything. I don't know. I think i'm numb or something. But oh well I guess.” part of this was bullshit but he didn't want to up and say something about the odd dreams and sweaty palms and the random seeming emotional swings, other than that he didn't think anything was amiss, and he was numb. He knew that feeling well at least. 

“What about you?”

“...I don't know myself. So much keeps happening that everytime i get a few hours alone all I can do it’s sit here. maybe once things cool off I can...deal with it but now I just..sit here and stare at my goddamn foot. “

“Yeah....” Adam looked at the floor, “do you ever wonder what's gonna happen to you after this?”

“I've tried to think about it but it just...it's just upsetting. I feel as though everything will be so different. I wonder if i'll feel like i've gotten my life back at all. But what else can I do? I just keep trying to remember that eventually, it might be ok.”

“You're a lot more optimistic than me.” Adam shook his head but smiled a little, it felt like a grimace almost. Lawrence looked like he wanted to say something else about it but didn't and just nodded yawning. 

“I suppose it's getting late, and i'm getting tired honestly.”

“Yeah fair enough.” Adam agreed standing up, only now realizing the sun was halfway down, and it certainly hadn't been when he'd gone outside to smoke, he guessed he'd go out once more to do that before heading in for the night. “It's been uh..nice, talking to somebody.” 

“Agreed, it's the first conversation I've had for awhile that didn't make me feel insane.”

“Yeah? Well it's the first conversation I've had full stop.” Adam tried joking again before turning to go and leave.

“Adam… “

“Yeah?”

Lawrence reached over and grasped his hand gently and squeezed it making eye contact.

“I'll see you around right?”

“...yeah of course.” Adam managed to answer after a strange moment of being unable to think clearly. 

“Good to hear. goodnight Adam.”

“Night Lawrence.”

The two of them didn't plan to meet and talk for hours everyday over the next week, it just sort of happened that they were in the same areas at the same time everyday, and sure if Adam saw him down the hallway he tried to catch up with him, or if he happened to take a long detour around to Lawrence’s side of the hospital and saw he was in his room he might knock and come in for a moment or an hour. Though he avoided it if he saw visitors in the room, including the little girl he was sure was his daughter, and the much older woman who was probably his mother. Never seeing his wife in the time, as expected. 

It felt like he had a friend again, and sure that was sort of stupid but it made him happy and hell he needed to have something that made him happy. He figured it would be over the second he was discharged and as much as he didn't want to think about it, he would be alone and hell at this point he might as well move cities. There wasn't anything here but bad memories and people who would possibly recognize his name and bring up the Incident. Not to mention the fact that Jigsaw was still out there somewhere, and Adam figured he was just some fragile old man who probably couldn't get too far all things considered. Perhaps he could change his last name again, he'd done it before and ‘Adam’ was a common enough first name that it wouldn't raise suspicion. Anything he needed to do to feel safe again, he would. 

That said, he was apprehensive about doing that, maybe it was Lawrence but he really hoped, and even pretended it wasn't. Trying to convince himself it was just because it would be a pain in the ass, and not because he wanted a friend. 

He sat in his room, tired for some reason and trying to think of anything to do, there wasn't anything to do though it was a hospital. At this point he was just ready to leave this place, it wasn't doing him much good to sit here though he had no idea what to do when discharged. he kept thinking in circles, not bothering to try the television as everything on it was boring. It had been a long time of him just sitting there before he heard a slight tapping on the door.

“Come in.” he answered, not getting up, figuring it was just a nurse, to his surprise after a moment the door creaked open and standing there was a much different doctor than the one he was expecting.

“Oh hey Lawrence, didn't know it was you.”

“Yes, it took me a bit to find you since I haven't been to your area before. I figured I'd visit you for a moment before I've got to meet up with someone, a nice change of pace.” Lawrence smiled a little and moved to sit down next to him on the bed. He was getting better with the crutches and a few days prior had told him he at one point in the future should be able to get a decent prosthetic and only have to walk with a cane. 

“You wanted to visit so bad you had to track me down, you must like me or something.”

“I think you know that the answer is yes.” Lawrence replied, no matter how many times Adam joked in a way that would be off putting to somebody else and make them leave him alone eventually, Lawrence always took it in stride and shot back or rebutted with something oddly nice. Adam wasn't sure if he was trying to push him away or if they were just engaging in friendly banter. “What have you been doing?”

“Whole lot of fucking nothing.” Adam replied, “I'm just waiting to get out of here honestly.”

“Understandable, it's not the best place is it.” Lawrence agreed, sighing gently, looking almost sad. “When were you leaving again?”

“Next couple of days.” Adam picked at his fingers, “i dunno what i'm gonna do after this but i hate this place.” 

“I agree. I feel fucking stagnent myself. I want to go home.”

“Yeah well i don't.” Adam muttered bitterly. “But y'know i'm glad you have somewhere to go.”

“Yes well Alison has told me she wants nothing to do with the house any longer.” Lawrence sighed but glanced at Adam afterwards and added, “it is a nice place though, i assume better than wherever a broke photographer can get hm?” Lawrence teased lightly.

“You got that right.” Adam smirked a little back, “oh well i mean i'm sure they threw all my shit out in the street by now but i was figuring i should move anyways.” he decided he didn't want to tell Lawrence that he thought of hitchhiking to a different city. He wondered why but maybe he didn't want him to be upset. 

“I assume you don't exactly have any help in that department..”

“No i don't. Whatever though I've run off before and figured it out.”

Lawrence was quiet at this and they didn't say much else for a few minutes though for some reason Adam was nearly overcome with the desire to say a lot more to Lawrence, he repressed it as much as he could. 

“Adam…” 

“Hm?”

“I've been thinking for the last week or so...and i..i just want you to know that i care about you.” 

“I..uh.. thanks..” Adam replied lamely not sure what had prompted that or how to react. He wondered briefly it was a joke but Lawrence sounded very genuine and was looking directly at him, and Adam couldn't help but wonder if he'd always had that sort of gentle, handsome grace about him. He looked much better now than he had in that dirty bathroom. Over the week he'd found himself taking notice of different things about Lawrence, much like when he would go out on a walk notice details in his environment that would make a nice photo. It occured to Adam in that moment that he cared about Lawrence too.

Fuck.

“I know..once we leave here it'll be much harder to keep in contact but… i want to. I don't think you should have to be so alone, and if you ever need help, I would want to be there for you.” Lawrence continued, Adam noticed his hand gently set between them on the bed, he was still looking at him kindly. 

“I...i think that'd be great.” Adam looked from Lawrence's hands and face to the floor feeling warm and confused.

"Good. I'm glad.” Lawrence seemed just as genuine as before. There was some kind of tension between them, like a swelling bubble desperate to burst but Adam had no idea how or what would fix it. He couldn't stand it much longer without doing something drastic, trying to find some distraction from a myriad of feelings regarding Lawrence that he thought he might have some names for but didn't want to acknowledge much as he'd never wanted to acknowledge with any other men he'd met. 

“Y'know i uh...i think it's been nice to have you around.”

“Yeah? I was thinking you were getting pissed off that I kept talking for hours.”

“No of course not..” Adam answered quietly though he knew the other man was joking. 

“so ..you could say that you enjoy my company.” Lawrence sounded like he was baiting him into something with some humour in his tone, leaning in closer to him. 

“Something like that.” Adam answered slowly, his face warmer.

“I'd hoped that was the case.” Lawrence murmured, reaching over and touching his hand lightly. Adam tentatively held it. 

Lawrence leaned forward and caressed his face gently with his hand, and for once Adam wasn't a complete idiot and reciprocated, their lips tentatively pressed against each other as if cautious. Once finding it was both a lovely experience and a completely normal one, there was more enthusiasm, it felt like the conclusion to a story started well over a month ago. It felt good, it felt right and it felt as though this was exactly what he needed to be doing.

As with anything else good in his life, Adam just had to ruin it.

“What...are we doing Lawrence?” Adam broke them apart, brow furrowed, so much confusion and some kind of fear in his chest. His head felt dizzy. 

“I don't know, I don't know what's going on or what I'm doing, everything's just falling apart and fucked up and all I do know is i...care about you alot.” Lawrence replied in a hushed tone, hand still resting on Adams shoulder, longing and desperation in his gaze that Adam in his own mind was sure he mirrored. 

“Shit i...i don't know either but i...i'm fine with this it's the best thing to happen to me in years.” Adam tried to add something else about feeling the same but it caught itself in his throat. 

“I'm glad…” Larence didn't need the reply, he seemed to understand. He leaned forward once again and Adam reciprocated, genuinely savoring the moment, his face felt hot and his heart was beating quickly but it made everything more thrilling somehow. His arm sort of wrapped itself around Lawrences waist, and Lawrence reciprocated sort of leaning closer, Adam debated pulling him on top of himself but ultimately wasn't brave enough given where they were and the fact that he wasn't at all experienced in any way with something like this. 

“God…” Lawrence shook his head when they pulled away, smiling both hands resting on Adams arms, Adams hands were placed lightly on his sides still as it just felt natural.

“What?” he asked quietly.

“It's just...Finally it feels right.” he sighed happily but leaned back away from him. 

“Yeah...is uh...something wrong or..did you take a closer look at me and realize who it was.” Adam tried still not sure what to do or how to talk to him but hoping his joke wasn't accurate.

"Of course not, I just...I've got to go...i have to talk with Alison about everything...but i'd like to see you to...talk some more. If you'd like." 

"Yeah of course." Adam smiled a little, somewhat excited at the prospect despite himself. Lawrence nodded and tried to stand up grabbing his crutches, Adam still didn't want to stop touching him feeling like he might disappear without him. 

“I suppose i'll see you later, i'd like to make the most of the time we have left here.” Lawrence slowly moved himself over to the door with a slightly sad look on his face. 

"Hey, I'll keep coming back after i get discharged, i don't wanna leave you here by yourself.” Adam piped up finally feeling like he said the right thing, sure he meant it but he was never good at translating it to words. 

“You mean that?” Lawrence asked as he paused at the doorway, looking back at him seeming surprised. Adam just smiled a little remembering something.

“I would never lie to you, Lawrence.”


End file.
